5/15/17 The Conversational Hook
Mid 60s and mostly sunny. Supposed to get hot by Wednesday. There goes spring,
This week is a week where people at work come to NY from all over the country (well, mainly Southern California). Lot's of how you doings and other small talk. I'm able to keep that to a minimum at this point in my life because I learned a very valuable lesson: if there's anything quirky or interesting about you don't let casual acquaintances (which is what 99% of co-workers are at this point in my life - at my age and rank you don't make many new real-life friends, you just have those that you made in your 20's and early 30s before you had to manage a lot of people) know about it. If you do let them know you're giving them what I call the "conversational hook" which is what happens when the person trying to make small talk with you begins interviewing you about said thing or quirk and you wind up answering so many damn questions about it you never learn anything about the other person because you're talking about your own thing or quirk until even you're tired of it.
My "thing" used to be that I curled which a decade ago was still an unusual hobby in the Northeastern United States. Once people found out about that any chance for either avoiding small talk altogether or having to carry the conversation by answering twenty questions was gone. I stopped curling several years ago so if anyone still remembers the "hook" only lasts one question which I answer with "I haven't in several years, don't have enough time anymore plus I suffered some foot, knee and back problems".
Nowadays if anyone is actually desperate enough to ask me if I have a hobby I tell them reading or cooking which generally allows me to turn the tables by asking the "interviewer" about their food tastes. I used to include "listening to music" but that's a bad bad bad thing to say because the inevitable follow-up is "Oh, what kind of music do you like" to which I had a variety of seemingly smart-ass but honest answers the last of which was "Actually I really don't care for most music at all but what I like I tend to really really like". Anyway that discussion is probably best saved for another day.
This week is a week where people at work come to NY from all over the country (well, mainly Southern California). Lot's of how you doings and other small talk. I'm able to keep that to a minimum at this point in my life because I learned a very valuable lesson: if there's anything quirky or interesting about you don't let casual acquaintances (which is what 99% of co-workers are at this point in my life - at my age and rank you don't make many new real-life friends, you just have those that you made in your 20's and early 30s before you had to manage a lot of people) know about it. If you do let them know you're giving them what I call the "conversational hook" which is what happens when the person trying to make small talk with you begins interviewing you about said thing or quirk and you wind up answering so many damn questions about it you never learn anything about the other person because you're talking about your own thing or quirk until even you're tired of it.
My "thing" used to be that I curled which a decade ago was still an unusual hobby in the Northeastern United States. Once people found out about that any chance for either avoiding small talk altogether or having to carry the conversation by answering twenty questions was gone. I stopped curling several years ago so if anyone still remembers the "hook" only lasts one question which I answer with "I haven't in several years, don't have enough time anymore plus I suffered some foot, knee and back problems".
Nowadays if anyone is actually desperate enough to ask me if I have a hobby I tell them reading or cooking which generally allows me to turn the tables by asking the "interviewer" about their food tastes. I used to include "listening to music" but that's a bad bad bad thing to say because the inevitable follow-up is "Oh, what kind of music do you like" to which I had a variety of seemingly smart-ass but honest answers the last of which was "Actually I really don't care for most music at all but what I like I tend to really really like". Anyway that discussion is probably best saved for another day.
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