Potty Humor
This post got some reaction from folks (unfortunately only one of which was actually posted in the comment section). So, I figured it was a topic worth revisiting, especially on a Friday when I’m too wiped out to write any kind of other story. A word of warning however: In the words of the great Jean Shepherd “The following program is in very bad taste. Then again, life itself is often in very bad taste”.
There are many, many men here at the office that enjoy a good read when they are in a bathroom stall. So much so that newspapers and magazines used to litter the floor by midday. The office manager came up with the elegant solution of installing those plastic, wall mounted mail bins (kinda like these but in black plastic and not wood) in each stall so people could just leave their reading material there instead of all over the floor. Of course, some people do leave their reading material on the floor, which brings up the first poll question: how many of you would pick up a newspaper or magazine off the floor in your office loo and read it? Next question: the article in question is kind of on the border between your stall and the next one. Do you reach for it? Do you reach for it if someone is next door? How far do you reach?
These are the questions that try men’s souls, eh? Of course, some people frown at or make fun of bathroom reading. Then again, some people’s bathroom reading habits are outright strange. We had a guy here who used to take the NY Post or the Daily News for his morning constitutional and stay in there until he read the whole damn thing cover to cover. I only found this out because he had a few people on his staff who used to time his bathroom break. It was a form of entertainment for them. The guy would walk out of his office and one of the people on his staff would e-mail the others with something like “10:15am paper in hand” and then send another when he returned. It’s enough to make you paranoid if you weren’t already in today’s see something-say something society. Sometimes he wouldn't have his own paper and would ask someone else to "borrow" theirs. Once it dawned on the lucky lender where that paper was going he (Mr. Cover-to-Cover would never ask a woman) would either say "oh, I haven't bought the paper yet either" or say "here, and I don't need it back". I know, you're asking "who would return a newspaper that they read in the bathroom?" You have your answer: the same guy who takes half an hour to read the whole thing in there. Polite and thorough, he thought of himself as a truly fine citizen.
I’ll pause right now and ask the ladies: do you have these kinds of problems?
I have had women tell me that stall-talkers are an annoyance. You know, you go into the bathroom and someone who is doing their business in a stall sees you or hears your voice and strikes up a conversation. It’s less frequent in the men’s room but it does happen to us too. More frequent is the urinal conversation but that doesn’t feel weird for some reason, maybe because most men are used to wobbly, drunken “boy so and so sucks” or “boy so and so is awesome” conversations while whizzing at sporting events. Although I once had another co-worker who literally could not go if someone was talking to him. He was stupid enough to let this slip and of course people who saw him at the urinal would always talk to him until he yelled at them to stop. That’s entertainment, eh kids?
Another character is the stall cell-phone talker. Who the hell takes a business call on the dumper? More people that you would think. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard a brief conversation ended with “I’m in a meeting” or “I’m going into a meeting” over the walls of a stall. I can only imagine what will happen in the probably-not-to-distant future when people have personal video phones. “Hello? What? No I’m not in the crapper. I just had tile put in my office. Call you back.”
Speaking of technology, we have our final (for today) amusing class of rest room resident: the urinal texter. Yes, it had to happen. Just this morning a guy nearly walked into me as I was washing my hands because he was texting. I watched in awe as he weaved over to the urinal in that vaguely drunk reading-while-walking way and continued to type away with one hand while he did his business. It was an incredible feat of coordination. I think that guy deserves one of those Real Men of Genius Bud Light commercials.
Have a happy weekend all. Go Habs Go.
There are many, many men here at the office that enjoy a good read when they are in a bathroom stall. So much so that newspapers and magazines used to litter the floor by midday. The office manager came up with the elegant solution of installing those plastic, wall mounted mail bins (kinda like these but in black plastic and not wood) in each stall so people could just leave their reading material there instead of all over the floor. Of course, some people do leave their reading material on the floor, which brings up the first poll question: how many of you would pick up a newspaper or magazine off the floor in your office loo and read it? Next question: the article in question is kind of on the border between your stall and the next one. Do you reach for it? Do you reach for it if someone is next door? How far do you reach?
These are the questions that try men’s souls, eh? Of course, some people frown at or make fun of bathroom reading. Then again, some people’s bathroom reading habits are outright strange. We had a guy here who used to take the NY Post or the Daily News for his morning constitutional and stay in there until he read the whole damn thing cover to cover. I only found this out because he had a few people on his staff who used to time his bathroom break. It was a form of entertainment for them. The guy would walk out of his office and one of the people on his staff would e-mail the others with something like “10:15am paper in hand” and then send another when he returned. It’s enough to make you paranoid if you weren’t already in today’s see something-say something society. Sometimes he wouldn't have his own paper and would ask someone else to "borrow" theirs. Once it dawned on the lucky lender where that paper was going he (Mr. Cover-to-Cover would never ask a woman) would either say "oh, I haven't bought the paper yet either" or say "here, and I don't need it back". I know, you're asking "who would return a newspaper that they read in the bathroom?" You have your answer: the same guy who takes half an hour to read the whole thing in there. Polite and thorough, he thought of himself as a truly fine citizen.
I’ll pause right now and ask the ladies: do you have these kinds of problems?
I have had women tell me that stall-talkers are an annoyance. You know, you go into the bathroom and someone who is doing their business in a stall sees you or hears your voice and strikes up a conversation. It’s less frequent in the men’s room but it does happen to us too. More frequent is the urinal conversation but that doesn’t feel weird for some reason, maybe because most men are used to wobbly, drunken “boy so and so sucks” or “boy so and so is awesome” conversations while whizzing at sporting events. Although I once had another co-worker who literally could not go if someone was talking to him. He was stupid enough to let this slip and of course people who saw him at the urinal would always talk to him until he yelled at them to stop. That’s entertainment, eh kids?
Another character is the stall cell-phone talker. Who the hell takes a business call on the dumper? More people that you would think. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard a brief conversation ended with “I’m in a meeting” or “I’m going into a meeting” over the walls of a stall. I can only imagine what will happen in the probably-not-to-distant future when people have personal video phones. “Hello? What? No I’m not in the crapper. I just had tile put in my office. Call you back.”
Speaking of technology, we have our final (for today) amusing class of rest room resident: the urinal texter. Yes, it had to happen. Just this morning a guy nearly walked into me as I was washing my hands because he was texting. I watched in awe as he weaved over to the urinal in that vaguely drunk reading-while-walking way and continued to type away with one hand while he did his business. It was an incredible feat of coordination. I think that guy deserves one of those Real Men of Genius Bud Light commercials.
Have a happy weekend all. Go Habs Go.
Comments
We have 4 single person bathrooms at work for the 80 plus people who work there with 2 lunch hours. If someone decided to read while in there it would cause a riot!