How To Screw Up In Business Without Really Trying
There’s a really long hallway around the corner from my office that leads to the bathrooms. There’s nothing in it but an exit to the freight elevators and then the exit to the passenger elevators right before you get to the bathrooms. The far end leads to another cube farm. It’s always awkward when I turn the corner and someone’s coming from the other end because how close to you get before you say “Hi” or “Good morning” or whatever? I always hope they’ll turn off into the bathroom or the lobby but once they pass those doors coming this way it’s almost too late to do anything but nod.
Elevators are another danger zone. I used to hate that feeling you get when you have to have a conversation with someone and it peters out sometime before you where you’re going. I feel barely qualified to talk about even the weather with people I work with because you never know what the right answers are. Is it too hot for them? Too cold? I don’t really care much, but I know I’ve gotten into trouble by complaining that it’s hot when it gets above 80 degrees. Women in particular seem to love warm weather and they’re quite adamant about it. There’s no debate; that temperature is just fine and if you don’t like it it’s your own fault, fat boy. It’s always best to let the other person tip their hand concerning their deeply-held feelings about the weather before opining. Why? Because to most people, anyone who doesn’t like the same weather they do is a weirdo. Or as most residents born in the tri-state area say, “A weeado”.
It’s always a blessing when people from other floors are traveling with you. People seem much less inclined to make small talk then.
Another very, very dangerous place is the bathroom. Get your heads out of the gutter; we’re not talking Senator Craig territory here. We’re talking mores. In my case, male mores I can’t speak to how people have to act in the women’s’ room. For instance, in our office there are 3 urinals. Show of hands guys…does anyone EVER go in the middle urinal unless you have no choice? And by “no choice” I mean the outer urinals and all the stalls are occupied. On that rare occasion it is acceptable to use the middle but only if you announce “Sorry guys, I’m splitting the uprights” or some such. While going, small talk is OK but eyes front at the wall, do NOT look to your left or right. Rules are rules. And for God’s sake, do not make any physical contact with anyone who is going. BIG no-no. I don’t know that anyone’s ever been fired for it, but you probably could be.
Remember, it’s the tiny interactions with people who are mostly strangers that make them form opinions about you. Get one wrong and it could spell curtains for your whole career.
Elevators are another danger zone. I used to hate that feeling you get when you have to have a conversation with someone and it peters out sometime before you where you’re going. I feel barely qualified to talk about even the weather with people I work with because you never know what the right answers are. Is it too hot for them? Too cold? I don’t really care much, but I know I’ve gotten into trouble by complaining that it’s hot when it gets above 80 degrees. Women in particular seem to love warm weather and they’re quite adamant about it. There’s no debate; that temperature is just fine and if you don’t like it it’s your own fault, fat boy. It’s always best to let the other person tip their hand concerning their deeply-held feelings about the weather before opining. Why? Because to most people, anyone who doesn’t like the same weather they do is a weirdo. Or as most residents born in the tri-state area say, “A weeado”.
It’s always a blessing when people from other floors are traveling with you. People seem much less inclined to make small talk then.
Another very, very dangerous place is the bathroom. Get your heads out of the gutter; we’re not talking Senator Craig territory here. We’re talking mores. In my case, male mores I can’t speak to how people have to act in the women’s’ room. For instance, in our office there are 3 urinals. Show of hands guys…does anyone EVER go in the middle urinal unless you have no choice? And by “no choice” I mean the outer urinals and all the stalls are occupied. On that rare occasion it is acceptable to use the middle but only if you announce “Sorry guys, I’m splitting the uprights” or some such. While going, small talk is OK but eyes front at the wall, do NOT look to your left or right. Rules are rules. And for God’s sake, do not make any physical contact with anyone who is going. BIG no-no. I don’t know that anyone’s ever been fired for it, but you probably could be.
Remember, it’s the tiny interactions with people who are mostly strangers that make them form opinions about you. Get one wrong and it could spell curtains for your whole career.
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