Live From Laff-O-Rama Somewhere in Mercer County, New Jersey
Today’s chapter, wherein our narrator becomes a hack stand-up comedian to note the 50th anniversary of his youngest sister’s birth which means our hero is now the only one of his parents' children not qualified for AARP
Insert your own rim shots
“Thanks very much ladies and gentlemen. I just drove down from New York and boy are my wheels tired.
Hey, how about this New Jersey huh? Boy, you sure pay a lot of tolls here doncha? Why I just went out to the car and I had to hand the neighbor’s kid a quarter to come back in the backyard.
Man I gotta tell you, I don’t wanna say my siblings are old, but I was going through some old family pictures, well, daguerreotypes anyway and there was one of the four of them as kids, see, and they’re down at city hall in Manhattan. It looked like it was a warm day in the late Pleistocene, the mammoths hadn’t been through town in a while and there was one before the one from city hall that showed off the new wall to wall carpeting my parents had just put in the cave. But seriously folks….there’s the picture of the four of them at city hall and I’m trying to figure out what it is, and you know, right behind them there’s this Dutch looking guy handing a guy in a headdress $24….boy what a rip huh? Man those guys were crazy.
Yeah…you know my sister called me at work last week and she was going on and on about this HD radio they have nowadays. Yeah, HD radio. She was saying these kids, they got it lucky. She remembers when everyone used to gather round on the saber-tooth tiger rug and listen to radio in black and white. Seriously. The whole world was black and white. The sun hadn’t evolved enough to generate colors yet.
I don’t wanna say my siblings are old, but their social security numbers are 4, 5, 6, and 7.
I checked out the new entertainment system at my brother’s yesterday. He’s pretty proud of it. Why, he just upgraded his stereo system from Edison cylinders to vinyl so he’s gettin’ contemporary. “Fo sho” as the kids might say.
Well, better wrap this up. I gotta print these out and send them to my siblings via the new “high speed” Internet connections they all got. Of course, to them that’s a carrier pigeon on a double espresso. Thank you very much ladies and gentlemen, try the fish and tip your bartenders. Good night! "
Insert your own rim shots
“Thanks very much ladies and gentlemen. I just drove down from New York and boy are my wheels tired.
Hey, how about this New Jersey huh? Boy, you sure pay a lot of tolls here doncha? Why I just went out to the car and I had to hand the neighbor’s kid a quarter to come back in the backyard.
Man I gotta tell you, I don’t wanna say my siblings are old, but I was going through some old family pictures, well, daguerreotypes anyway and there was one of the four of them as kids, see, and they’re down at city hall in Manhattan. It looked like it was a warm day in the late Pleistocene, the mammoths hadn’t been through town in a while and there was one before the one from city hall that showed off the new wall to wall carpeting my parents had just put in the cave. But seriously folks….there’s the picture of the four of them at city hall and I’m trying to figure out what it is, and you know, right behind them there’s this Dutch looking guy handing a guy in a headdress $24….boy what a rip huh? Man those guys were crazy.
Yeah…you know my sister called me at work last week and she was going on and on about this HD radio they have nowadays. Yeah, HD radio. She was saying these kids, they got it lucky. She remembers when everyone used to gather round on the saber-tooth tiger rug and listen to radio in black and white. Seriously. The whole world was black and white. The sun hadn’t evolved enough to generate colors yet.
I don’t wanna say my siblings are old, but their social security numbers are 4, 5, 6, and 7.
I checked out the new entertainment system at my brother’s yesterday. He’s pretty proud of it. Why, he just upgraded his stereo system from Edison cylinders to vinyl so he’s gettin’ contemporary. “Fo sho” as the kids might say.
Well, better wrap this up. I gotta print these out and send them to my siblings via the new “high speed” Internet connections they all got. Of course, to them that’s a carrier pigeon on a double espresso. Thank you very much ladies and gentlemen, try the fish and tip your bartenders. Good night! "
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