Death and Career Opportunities
I’ve been thinking about planning my funeral.
No, I’m not facing imminent death or anything. Not that I know of anyway. It’s just that after you go to enough wakes and funerals and shivas and whatever other ritual-for-the-dead is observed by the bereaved you begin to have thoughts about how you want your own going away party to be. I don’t think I’m alone here. In fact, I think as the boomer generation slips toward its dotage in the 21st century we might begin to see the emergence of a whole new occupation: the funeral planner.
I’m not talking about a funeral director or undertaker here. I’m talking about the expansion of the party planning industry beyond Super Sweet 16s and weddings and the newly-in-vogue (or maybe not so new, I’m out of the loop) divorce parties to include funerals. And I for one would applaud such a thing. I think a well-planned funeral that literally IS a celebration of the departed’s life instead of a bunch of people making small talk with a body at the front of the room and/or a religious ceremony grounded in a faith the departed may not have been particularly faithful to is a great idea. Maybe that’s my next career move.
Some parts of the US already have the right idea. Jazz funerals have been held in New Orleans for decades and they really have it nailed. Play the slow music to get everyone depressed and crying and get the catharsis needed in the grieving process and once the body is entombed crank up the joy and celebrate life. You’re still here, and you could be next. Better have a good time while you can.
Think about it. How many times have you sat at a wake and though “Boy, (insert name of departed) would’ve hated this. But s/he would have liked seeing the family together.” Wouldn’t the stiff have wanted to see the family together having a good time? I know that’s what I want. When I kick it, leave my fat ass at the front of the room for the smallest time possible, chuck it in the ground ASAP (I’m not using it anymore, put in the compost for all I care) and go out and get some great food, crack out the wine and crank up the music. The clock is ticking and it gets louder all the time.
After we buried my mom, someone told my sister that “You throw a nice funeral”. Isn’t that great? Isn’t that what you want to be known for? I had my own good reputation to deal with after burying both my mom and my dad. I spoke at both funerals and apparently impressed my now-late buddy Pete so much he asked his wife to ask me to speak again when he went up on the roof. So there I was again, having to play speechwriter at one of the lowest points of my entire life. I wasn’t mad, really. In fact I was honored. However it’s not really one of those skills you really want to be known for. It’s not like it comes up often on, say, a job interview.
“So, what would you say is your greatest strength?”
“Well, I’d have to say it’s talking about dead loved ones. I really knock ‘em out of the park at funerals. If you have a staff meeting and you can’t revive the CEO after a night on the town or a company picnic where somebody takes a header in the cole slaw and breaks their neck, I’m the guy to inspire and comfort the bereaved employees”.
How do you think that would go? Probably something like “That’s very good, just leave your resume with my assistant and we’ll be in touch.”
No, it’s got to be a stand-alone occupation. Professional mourner was a real occupation at one time so why not professional death send-off party director? I mean sure, you might have to deal with some of the religious institutions and whatnot for horning in on their territory but what are they going to do, really? Is the local church going to send Cardinal Rocco and Father Moose to break a few fingers because I’m horning in on their business? That doesn’t seem very WWJD to me. Besides, there’s room for everyone. Think of it as a wedding where you get the religion done first and have the party second.
Who wants to sign up first?
No, I’m not facing imminent death or anything. Not that I know of anyway. It’s just that after you go to enough wakes and funerals and shivas and whatever other ritual-for-the-dead is observed by the bereaved you begin to have thoughts about how you want your own going away party to be. I don’t think I’m alone here. In fact, I think as the boomer generation slips toward its dotage in the 21st century we might begin to see the emergence of a whole new occupation: the funeral planner.
I’m not talking about a funeral director or undertaker here. I’m talking about the expansion of the party planning industry beyond Super Sweet 16s and weddings and the newly-in-vogue (or maybe not so new, I’m out of the loop) divorce parties to include funerals. And I for one would applaud such a thing. I think a well-planned funeral that literally IS a celebration of the departed’s life instead of a bunch of people making small talk with a body at the front of the room and/or a religious ceremony grounded in a faith the departed may not have been particularly faithful to is a great idea. Maybe that’s my next career move.
Some parts of the US already have the right idea. Jazz funerals have been held in New Orleans for decades and they really have it nailed. Play the slow music to get everyone depressed and crying and get the catharsis needed in the grieving process and once the body is entombed crank up the joy and celebrate life. You’re still here, and you could be next. Better have a good time while you can.
Think about it. How many times have you sat at a wake and though “Boy, (insert name of departed) would’ve hated this. But s/he would have liked seeing the family together.” Wouldn’t the stiff have wanted to see the family together having a good time? I know that’s what I want. When I kick it, leave my fat ass at the front of the room for the smallest time possible, chuck it in the ground ASAP (I’m not using it anymore, put in the compost for all I care) and go out and get some great food, crack out the wine and crank up the music. The clock is ticking and it gets louder all the time.
After we buried my mom, someone told my sister that “You throw a nice funeral”. Isn’t that great? Isn’t that what you want to be known for? I had my own good reputation to deal with after burying both my mom and my dad. I spoke at both funerals and apparently impressed my now-late buddy Pete so much he asked his wife to ask me to speak again when he went up on the roof. So there I was again, having to play speechwriter at one of the lowest points of my entire life. I wasn’t mad, really. In fact I was honored. However it’s not really one of those skills you really want to be known for. It’s not like it comes up often on, say, a job interview.
“So, what would you say is your greatest strength?”
“Well, I’d have to say it’s talking about dead loved ones. I really knock ‘em out of the park at funerals. If you have a staff meeting and you can’t revive the CEO after a night on the town or a company picnic where somebody takes a header in the cole slaw and breaks their neck, I’m the guy to inspire and comfort the bereaved employees”.
How do you think that would go? Probably something like “That’s very good, just leave your resume with my assistant and we’ll be in touch.”
No, it’s got to be a stand-alone occupation. Professional mourner was a real occupation at one time so why not professional death send-off party director? I mean sure, you might have to deal with some of the religious institutions and whatnot for horning in on their territory but what are they going to do, really? Is the local church going to send Cardinal Rocco and Father Moose to break a few fingers because I’m horning in on their business? That doesn’t seem very WWJD to me. Besides, there’s room for everyone. Think of it as a wedding where you get the religion done first and have the party second.
Who wants to sign up first?
Comments
I didn't think that this would take off until now. Throw in the "we arrange" with the "a kicking good time" ... and now we're talking.
-Doogs