Sticks and Stones
Sean Avery is an idiot, but an entertaining idiot. The geniuses who run the NHL are even bigger idiots who couldn't market a Poland Spring stand in the middle of the Sahara. In case you haven't heard, Sean Avery has been given an indefinite suspension by the NHL head office.
Did he club someone over the head with a stick? No.
Did he hit someone from behind into the boards causing injury? No.
Did he commit the unpardonable sin of waving his stick in front of a goaltender in a classic "Does this bother you? I'm not touching you, I'm not touching you..." manner again? No.
Sean Avery has been suspended for commenting on the love lives of his fellow NHL players.
In case you haven't seen it, here is a transcript (pasted from Yahoo sports) of Sean Avery's unpardonable crimes against humanity:
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"I'm really happy to be back in Calgary. I love Canada," an unprovoked Avery told the gathered reporters. "I just want to comment on how it's become like a common thing in the NHL for guys to fall in love with my sloppy seconds."
In case you're not following Avery's love life on a daily basis, he once dated actress Elisha Cuthbert who is now dating Calgary defenseman Dion Phaneuf. She has also been romantically linked to other hockey players.
Avery also dated Rachel Hunter, who is now the girlfriend of Los Angeles Kings forward Jarrett Stoll.
Avery concluded his statement with: "I don't know what that's about, but enjoy the game tonight."
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That's it. That's what it takes for the NHL to pull you off your team's roster indefinitely. Pretty heinous, eh? This, dear reader, is why people who run companies in the entertainment business should try to stay awake during their undergraduate literature prerequisite course. Every protagonist needs an antagonist. In pro wrestling terms, a babyface is nothing without a solid heel for the crowd to hate. What Sean Avery does is tremendously entertaining, hurts nobody (go ahead and see if you can dig up any time in the last few seasons where Avery was subjected to discipline for actually hurting another player) and generates buzz. I had planned to tune into last night's Calgary-Dallas tilt via my Centre Ice package until I saw on the intermission report of the Habs-Atlanta game that Avery was suspended. Take away that conflict and you have just another mid-season contest between a decent team and a crummy one. Nothing special there. I fell asleep watching Iron Chef on Fine Living instead.
Now I know there's a few "purity of sports" soreheads out there. Get over it. Sports is just another form of entertainment. It is not any more "pure" than any other diversion we use while counting down the days to our eventual dirt nap. Trash talking is part of the show. Trash talking in hockey is particularly acceptable since the "won't you think of the children" types haven't abolished fighting from the sport yet so anyone who runs his mouth like Avery did has to answer for it sooner or later, face to face, man to man. No "government intervention" (i.e. suspensions from the league) should be necessary. You run your mouth, be ready to defend yourself. You don't want to fight? Shut up. All of life should be that simple, shouldn't it?
Did he club someone over the head with a stick? No.
Did he hit someone from behind into the boards causing injury? No.
Did he commit the unpardonable sin of waving his stick in front of a goaltender in a classic "Does this bother you? I'm not touching you, I'm not touching you..." manner again? No.
Sean Avery has been suspended for commenting on the love lives of his fellow NHL players.
In case you haven't seen it, here is a transcript (pasted from Yahoo sports) of Sean Avery's unpardonable crimes against humanity:
_____________________________________________
"I'm really happy to be back in Calgary. I love Canada," an unprovoked Avery told the gathered reporters. "I just want to comment on how it's become like a common thing in the NHL for guys to fall in love with my sloppy seconds."
In case you're not following Avery's love life on a daily basis, he once dated actress Elisha Cuthbert who is now dating Calgary defenseman Dion Phaneuf. She has also been romantically linked to other hockey players.
Avery also dated Rachel Hunter, who is now the girlfriend of Los Angeles Kings forward Jarrett Stoll.
Avery concluded his statement with: "I don't know what that's about, but enjoy the game tonight."
___________________________________________
That's it. That's what it takes for the NHL to pull you off your team's roster indefinitely. Pretty heinous, eh? This, dear reader, is why people who run companies in the entertainment business should try to stay awake during their undergraduate literature prerequisite course. Every protagonist needs an antagonist. In pro wrestling terms, a babyface is nothing without a solid heel for the crowd to hate. What Sean Avery does is tremendously entertaining, hurts nobody (go ahead and see if you can dig up any time in the last few seasons where Avery was subjected to discipline for actually hurting another player) and generates buzz. I had planned to tune into last night's Calgary-Dallas tilt via my Centre Ice package until I saw on the intermission report of the Habs-Atlanta game that Avery was suspended. Take away that conflict and you have just another mid-season contest between a decent team and a crummy one. Nothing special there. I fell asleep watching Iron Chef on Fine Living instead.
Now I know there's a few "purity of sports" soreheads out there. Get over it. Sports is just another form of entertainment. It is not any more "pure" than any other diversion we use while counting down the days to our eventual dirt nap. Trash talking is part of the show. Trash talking in hockey is particularly acceptable since the "won't you think of the children" types haven't abolished fighting from the sport yet so anyone who runs his mouth like Avery did has to answer for it sooner or later, face to face, man to man. No "government intervention" (i.e. suspensions from the league) should be necessary. You run your mouth, be ready to defend yourself. You don't want to fight? Shut up. All of life should be that simple, shouldn't it?
Comments
I love Grapes, but you can't spend your time both defending Darcy Tucker and condemning Sean Avery.