Branding
I am standing in a deli in midtown Manhattan waiting to pay for my “ferry beer”. Ferry beers are beer that I buy at the deli between my office and the subway entrance on cool enough days that they won’t warm up by the time I get on the boat. I buy them at the deli because they’re cheaper than the beer sold on the boat and there is more of a selection. If they’re out of Becks and Fosters on the ferry you are S.O.L. for a decent beer unless its one of those weird days where they inexplicably have a lone Leffe standing upright in the middle of the clear plastic (or maybe it’s Lucite) ice bin that sits between that machine that rotates the pretzels under a heat lamp and that other machine that keeps the “Big Az” sandwiches warm.
So there I am in the deli and as the cashier is ringing up my beer I catch a piece of the conversation between the other cashier and a female customer who is inquiring about a bottle of Chateau Diana. You know Chateau Diana, that supermarket wine product, don’t’ you? Well anyway the cashier and the young lady are going back and forth between Spanish and English and the cashier says to the woman “You know this stuff is good because it has the Chatoo right there on the label”.
Of course.
I walked out of the deli and turned right down the street toward the subway and remembered another story about labeling
Once upon a time a Very Important Executive from New York who had recently relocated to Los Angeles decided to take up going to the gym at lunchtime because as anyone who has been to the City of Angels can tell you appearance is everything out there. My fat ass probably couldn’t get a job out there because, well, I’m a fat ass. So Very Important Executive who wasn’t really a fat ass but was in the back half of middle age decided to go to the gym to “do the Stairmaster for a half hour and then run on the treadmill for another half hour” except what he really did was get on the treadmill for about 10 minutes and spend the rest of the hour in the sauna.
One fine, sunny Southern California afternoon VIE was in the locker room getting ready for his very strenuous workout by talking loudly on his cell phone while changing and taking up three quarters of a bench intended to seat five or six clothes-changers at a time. VIE finished changing and went about his normal lunchtime routine and returned to the locker room to find everything in order except his wallet and his shoes were missing.
Armageddon, friends. You don’t mess with the property of a Very Important Executive.
VIE put on his gym shoes and dressed in his suit and sneakers VIE got in his Benz (pre-owned, but he would never admit that) and broke several speeding laws on the drive back to the office.
Upon arrival at the office, VIE commanded his secretary, (sorry, “assistant”, secretaries only existed in the 20th century) to call the LAPD. “There’s been a robbery!” he sputtered, apoplectic at the thought of some grubby plebian having possession of his shoes and his wallet. “My Centurion AMEX was in that wallet! Cancel all my cards!” he bellowed. “And they took my Gucci Loafers!”
In short order the LAPD arrived and VIE switched from red-faced and screaming mode to generous man-of-the-people mode to ensure that the cops would do their best to track down the villain responsible for this heinous heist. After describing the contents of his wallet in exacting detail including the Amex (“The Centurion level is the hardest one to get”) and made sure they knew about the missing Gucci loafers in exacting detail He told them stories about his old uncle who was a cop back on the East Coast. He handed out free Dodgers tickets. “Good seats for autographs” he said. “Take your kids”. Everyone had a cup of coffee and a good laugh and soon the cops were on their way and VIE’s assistant was back in the office with a new pair of emergency loafers.
Well, the man-of-the-people routine must have worked because it took only a few hours to crack the case. Just as VIE was getting ready to leave for the night the phone rang and his assistant yelled “It’s the police, they found your stuff!” Well, VIE told the assistant to take down the information and she relayed “They found some items in an unlocked, unregistered locker next to yours at the gym. There’s good news and bad news: The good news is your wallet still has everything in it including the cash. The bad news is they didn’t find any Gucci loafers but they did find a pair of shoes from Florsheim right next to the wallet.”
VIE stopped dead in his tracks and mumbled “Great, great, tell them thank you” and headed down to the police station to get his stuff. He didn't see the smirk on his assistant's face as he left.
How’s your brand doing friends? Are you making sure your label has the “Chatoo” on it so people know you’re classy? Are you making sure your Florsheims look like Guccis? You’d better. It’s all about the brand out there in the big bad world.
So there I am in the deli and as the cashier is ringing up my beer I catch a piece of the conversation between the other cashier and a female customer who is inquiring about a bottle of Chateau Diana. You know Chateau Diana, that supermarket wine product, don’t’ you? Well anyway the cashier and the young lady are going back and forth between Spanish and English and the cashier says to the woman “You know this stuff is good because it has the Chatoo right there on the label”.
Of course.
I walked out of the deli and turned right down the street toward the subway and remembered another story about labeling
Once upon a time a Very Important Executive from New York who had recently relocated to Los Angeles decided to take up going to the gym at lunchtime because as anyone who has been to the City of Angels can tell you appearance is everything out there. My fat ass probably couldn’t get a job out there because, well, I’m a fat ass. So Very Important Executive who wasn’t really a fat ass but was in the back half of middle age decided to go to the gym to “do the Stairmaster for a half hour and then run on the treadmill for another half hour” except what he really did was get on the treadmill for about 10 minutes and spend the rest of the hour in the sauna.
One fine, sunny Southern California afternoon VIE was in the locker room getting ready for his very strenuous workout by talking loudly on his cell phone while changing and taking up three quarters of a bench intended to seat five or six clothes-changers at a time. VIE finished changing and went about his normal lunchtime routine and returned to the locker room to find everything in order except his wallet and his shoes were missing.
Armageddon, friends. You don’t mess with the property of a Very Important Executive.
VIE put on his gym shoes and dressed in his suit and sneakers VIE got in his Benz (pre-owned, but he would never admit that) and broke several speeding laws on the drive back to the office.
Upon arrival at the office, VIE commanded his secretary, (sorry, “assistant”, secretaries only existed in the 20th century) to call the LAPD. “There’s been a robbery!” he sputtered, apoplectic at the thought of some grubby plebian having possession of his shoes and his wallet. “My Centurion AMEX was in that wallet! Cancel all my cards!” he bellowed. “And they took my Gucci Loafers!”
In short order the LAPD arrived and VIE switched from red-faced and screaming mode to generous man-of-the-people mode to ensure that the cops would do their best to track down the villain responsible for this heinous heist. After describing the contents of his wallet in exacting detail including the Amex (“The Centurion level is the hardest one to get”) and made sure they knew about the missing Gucci loafers in exacting detail He told them stories about his old uncle who was a cop back on the East Coast. He handed out free Dodgers tickets. “Good seats for autographs” he said. “Take your kids”. Everyone had a cup of coffee and a good laugh and soon the cops were on their way and VIE’s assistant was back in the office with a new pair of emergency loafers.
Well, the man-of-the-people routine must have worked because it took only a few hours to crack the case. Just as VIE was getting ready to leave for the night the phone rang and his assistant yelled “It’s the police, they found your stuff!” Well, VIE told the assistant to take down the information and she relayed “They found some items in an unlocked, unregistered locker next to yours at the gym. There’s good news and bad news: The good news is your wallet still has everything in it including the cash. The bad news is they didn’t find any Gucci loafers but they did find a pair of shoes from Florsheim right next to the wallet.”
VIE stopped dead in his tracks and mumbled “Great, great, tell them thank you” and headed down to the police station to get his stuff. He didn't see the smirk on his assistant's face as he left.
How’s your brand doing friends? Are you making sure your label has the “Chatoo” on it so people know you’re classy? Are you making sure your Florsheims look like Guccis? You’d better. It’s all about the brand out there in the big bad world.
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