Mr. Hygiene
Let’s face it. Every office has at least one. That guy who is always in the men’s room when you walk in. He’s not usually just using he facilities, typically he’s brushing his hair, retying his tie, brushing his teeth, or even shaving. You look at him as you hook the right turn toward the urinal and wonder how the guy ever gets any work done when he’s perpetually primping in the rest room.
The most interesting thing about Mr. Hygiene is he’s not typically the best looking guy in the office. In fact he’s typically not even a good looking guy at all, not that I’m anyone to judge the appearance of a fellow human being. Still, he’s in there for what seems to be hours making himself look as attractive as possible. He even carries a full shower bag to work that he leaves on the mirror ledge or on the side of a sink on the rare occasion he actually IS disposing of some waste product.
I don’t mean to be judgmental toward Mr. Hygiene. I actually don’t care if he participates in any of those activities in the office. If he’s got the time, more power to him. Just because the notion of brushing my teeth in a public restroom sink and in the process actually drinking the water from the faucet where a thousand excrement-touched hands have touched makes me queasy it shouldn’t stop him. Hey, who doesn’t want to look good even if you get E.Coli in the process? Mr. Hygiene is doubly brave since he also doesn’t fear the shavers who leave their stubble all over the sink…and in some cases there are those who leave it all around the toilets or urinals which makes me wonder what exactly it is they were buzzing with their electric razors.
Now I can’t speak for the ladies as I do not venture into the rest room preferred by the fairer sex. I know there’s always some degree of grooming that goes on when a lady visits the can. However I wonder at what point other ladies begin to think someone is being over the top in public grooming? Is tooth-brushing normal for a woman? Do they not have the same bacterial worries as I? Or am I, perhaps, over the top in my caution?
I’m not germ-phobic to be sure. There are guys at this office for whom a separate waste basket had to be placed next to the door of the restroom because they won’t touch the door handle without a paper towel in hand and prior to the arrival of said waste basket they would just throw it on the floor inside the men’s room. Because, you know, the 15 second walk back to the office was far too long to carry a paper towel. The funny thing was some of these guys were avid bathroom tooth brushers who would leave their brushes on the edge of the sink wrapped in a bit of paper towel while they used the facility. I guess paper towels have a magical anti-bacterial component.
Sometimes I wonder why the paper-towel-door-pushers don’t just do what I do and keep a bottle of hand sanitizer in the office. Every time I return to my desk from a trip to the loo I give my already-washed hands a little extra protection and moisturizing with a squirt of Duane Reade generic hand sanitizer with aloe. Fresh! Though it only guarantees the death of 99.99% of germs. Maybe I need that paper towel shield for the other .01%. That’s all it takes to take you out, no matter how good you look.
The most interesting thing about Mr. Hygiene is he’s not typically the best looking guy in the office. In fact he’s typically not even a good looking guy at all, not that I’m anyone to judge the appearance of a fellow human being. Still, he’s in there for what seems to be hours making himself look as attractive as possible. He even carries a full shower bag to work that he leaves on the mirror ledge or on the side of a sink on the rare occasion he actually IS disposing of some waste product.
I don’t mean to be judgmental toward Mr. Hygiene. I actually don’t care if he participates in any of those activities in the office. If he’s got the time, more power to him. Just because the notion of brushing my teeth in a public restroom sink and in the process actually drinking the water from the faucet where a thousand excrement-touched hands have touched makes me queasy it shouldn’t stop him. Hey, who doesn’t want to look good even if you get E.Coli in the process? Mr. Hygiene is doubly brave since he also doesn’t fear the shavers who leave their stubble all over the sink…and in some cases there are those who leave it all around the toilets or urinals which makes me wonder what exactly it is they were buzzing with their electric razors.
Now I can’t speak for the ladies as I do not venture into the rest room preferred by the fairer sex. I know there’s always some degree of grooming that goes on when a lady visits the can. However I wonder at what point other ladies begin to think someone is being over the top in public grooming? Is tooth-brushing normal for a woman? Do they not have the same bacterial worries as I? Or am I, perhaps, over the top in my caution?
I’m not germ-phobic to be sure. There are guys at this office for whom a separate waste basket had to be placed next to the door of the restroom because they won’t touch the door handle without a paper towel in hand and prior to the arrival of said waste basket they would just throw it on the floor inside the men’s room. Because, you know, the 15 second walk back to the office was far too long to carry a paper towel. The funny thing was some of these guys were avid bathroom tooth brushers who would leave their brushes on the edge of the sink wrapped in a bit of paper towel while they used the facility. I guess paper towels have a magical anti-bacterial component.
Sometimes I wonder why the paper-towel-door-pushers don’t just do what I do and keep a bottle of hand sanitizer in the office. Every time I return to my desk from a trip to the loo I give my already-washed hands a little extra protection and moisturizing with a squirt of Duane Reade generic hand sanitizer with aloe. Fresh! Though it only guarantees the death of 99.99% of germs. Maybe I need that paper towel shield for the other .01%. That’s all it takes to take you out, no matter how good you look.
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