Needle Hits E

I heard from my sister that my late aunt tried to leave her body to science. Science wanted no part of it. Apparently she had used up her physical resources to the point where science had no use for the shell that she departed. My sister said my cousin told her it was the only laugh she got that day.

I’m very proud of my aunt and hope they can say the same about me when my time comes.

The marathon was last weekend in New York. I’ll never understand the appeal. The brother of a dear friend of mine was a runner. I say “was” because he too has left the planet due to a heart attack at 28 ten years ago. Apparently the marathons weren’t good for an undiscovered (while he was alive anyway) heart defect that he had. One autumn before he passed he ran the NY Marathon. I asked his brother how that went and he said “He told me “I’m spent.”” He got no runner’s high, no revelation, no endorphin-fueled communion with God, no nothing. He was just tired at the end. My friend’s brother was a man of few words, but what he said was usually worth listening to.

In a sad coincidence, two runners died of heart attacks during the marathon. It’s weird how sports like boxing and auto racing are vilified in the media when people die but people can drop dead during running’s signature event and the press doesn’t ask questions about the event. Funny, I’m considered a Neanderthal by some for liking the sport of mixed martial arts and yet as far as I know the in-ring death toll for sanctioned events in the United States stands at zero. Or two less than this year’s New York City Marathon.

To be sure, I’m not suggesting that we ban the marathon or boxing or auto racing or anything like that. I think people should use up their physical resources however they choose as long as it doesn’t hurt others.

How are you using up your time and resources, dear readers? Are you going to present science with some well-tuned, athletic corpse? Or are you going to drain the tank and return the rental empty? And if you are draining the tank, how are you doing it?

Actually, that’s a crap analogy. You know when you’re supposed to return a rental car. You usually have no idea when you’re supposed to vacate your mortal remains unless you’re planning to take care of that last piece of business yourself. So what to do, what to do…shall we drain our tanks and run the tires bald or shall we do a bit of maintenance because we’re planning to hang on to the rental a bit longer? Bearing in mind that you can plan all you want but the choice is usually not yours.

Does anyone else out there wish that life came with an instruction manual? I mean, I know that some people have purportedly written manuals – holy books, Dianetics, self-help tomes, what have you. That’s all well and good but I guess I’m after more of a warranty. You know, some slip of paper from the Great Beyond that says “DC, your number is up at age (whatever), so retire at this age and have a good time until your health starts going at (age earlier than whatever) or alternately when you get hit by a bus/blown up by religious fanatics/other sudden end at age (whatever).” That would be the most helpful information I ever could receive.

Man, this life thing is a tough cookie to crack. Oh well, I’m going to go push rocks around and drink some beer tonight. Maybe when I get home the warranty will be in my mailbox.

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