Mayday 2010
When it gets hot like it does at this time of year you know what I’m talking about, that first blast of heat that surprises you because a week ago you were by the water feeling the final exhalations of winter as that season dug its fingernails into the shore as it was slowly pulled out and under and away to the Southern hemisphere to go bother the Argentineans or whoever it makes me feel like a bug caught in the glare when you first turn the kitchen light on completely exposed and vulnerable to that horrible wearing heat that is to come.
It also makes for a good day (or actually hour) for driving around to old haunts so you can stare and go “that wasn’t there, that wasn’t there, where did that go? And that? Oh yeah I knew that was gone. Oh right that too. Holy crap there’s nothing there at all now!”
Maybe there is something to that idea of leaving the place you grew up to go elsewhere. That way when you go back home to visit (if you ever even bother) and everything’s radically different it makes more sense because it feels like more time has passed so things should change. You don’t walk around with that lingering feeling that someone has pulled the rug out from under you while you weren’t looking but you forgot to fall down until now delayed like some kind of cartoon character that ran off a cliff and didn’t plunge to the bottom until it realized it wasn’t on solid ground anymore. I have no idea what it is like to live in a place for a while and then return to it after a long absence. That’s a human experience I have never had and I hope to live long enough to leave here and come back after a long absence. Someday. Hopefully a nice warm someday.
The ceiling fans are on for the first time too. One of them makes a sound like a bell on a steam locomotive ringing about a mile away but I know it’s just the knob of the light chain gently dinging against the brass lightshades while the fan whirls. There aren’t any steam locomotives around here. Not now. There probably were a few generations ago but those generations are gone and I’m here now. I’m here looking over my shoulder to try to see the place I came from but it’s too far away so I have no choice but to absorb where I am now. Ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding
It’s a beautiful day after all.
It also makes for a good day (or actually hour) for driving around to old haunts so you can stare and go “that wasn’t there, that wasn’t there, where did that go? And that? Oh yeah I knew that was gone. Oh right that too. Holy crap there’s nothing there at all now!”
Maybe there is something to that idea of leaving the place you grew up to go elsewhere. That way when you go back home to visit (if you ever even bother) and everything’s radically different it makes more sense because it feels like more time has passed so things should change. You don’t walk around with that lingering feeling that someone has pulled the rug out from under you while you weren’t looking but you forgot to fall down until now delayed like some kind of cartoon character that ran off a cliff and didn’t plunge to the bottom until it realized it wasn’t on solid ground anymore. I have no idea what it is like to live in a place for a while and then return to it after a long absence. That’s a human experience I have never had and I hope to live long enough to leave here and come back after a long absence. Someday. Hopefully a nice warm someday.
The ceiling fans are on for the first time too. One of them makes a sound like a bell on a steam locomotive ringing about a mile away but I know it’s just the knob of the light chain gently dinging against the brass lightshades while the fan whirls. There aren’t any steam locomotives around here. Not now. There probably were a few generations ago but those generations are gone and I’m here now. I’m here looking over my shoulder to try to see the place I came from but it’s too far away so I have no choice but to absorb where I am now. Ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding
It’s a beautiful day after all.
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