A Gift Idea for Tough Economic Times
Don’t know what to get your special lady for Christmas? Economy got you strapped for funds? Well, nothing says romance (and not having to spend a dime) like a good ol’ love poem! Of course, not everyone can write a good love poem so here’s a handy guide stolen right from the sexiest, most romantic book in the world, the Bible! The Song of Solomon more specifically. Now we all know nobody reads the more obscure books of the Bible other than religious professionals and hardcore cuckoos and even the latter skip over the Song of Solomon because it’s just too damn prurient. In fact I’m surprised some preacher from Missouri hasn’t lobbied to have the whole thing thrown out of the Bible.
Anyway, the really cool thing about the Song of Solomon is that it’s in the public domain, just like the rest of the Bible! You can plagiarize away without fear of being sued. I’m here to make this easier for you. I decided that if I took the Bible and combined it with that other great concept of my childhood, Mad Libs, I could provide ready-made customizable love poetry just in time for the holidays! All you have to do is substitute the appropriate words for the terms in parenthesis and you have your own love poem based on the world's most popular book! Check it out – here’s Song of Solomon 4 all Mad-Libbed up and ready to go:
1 How (adjective) you are, my darling! Oh, how (same adjective, repeated for emphasis)! Your (body part) behind your (clothing) are (some kind of bird). Your (another body part) is like a (group of animals) descending from (some high place).
2 Your (yet another body part) are like a (another group of animal, possibly related to the group of animals in the first verse), coming up from the (activity). Each has its twin; not one of them is alone.
3 Your (still yet another body part) are like a (article of clothing, appropriately colored for said body part); your (related body part) is lovely. Your (body part, near the body part in the first verse) behind your (same article of clothing as in the first verse) are like the (parts) of a (fruit).
4 Your (body part near all the others) is like the (building), built with (adjective) ; on it hang a thousand (weapons), all of them (weapons) of warriors.
5 Your two (naughty bits) are like two (innocent baby animals), like twin (innocent baby animals) of a (majestic herbivore) that browse among the lilies.
6 Until the day breaks and the shadows flee, I will go to the mountain of (some kind of perfume or other good-smelling stuff) and to the hill of (other presumably good-smelling stuff).
7 All beautiful you are, my darling; there is no flaw in you.
8 Come with me from (location), my bride, come with me from (same location). Descend from the (some high place), from the top of (other high place), the summit of (yet another high place), from the (metaphorically dangerous place) and the mountain haunts of the (dangerous mountain animal).
9 You have stolen my (body part), my sister, my bride; you have stolen my (body part) with one (use) of your (body part), with one (metaphor for said body part).
10 How delightful is your love, my sister, my bride! How much more pleasing is your love than (beverage), and the fragrance of your perfume than any (smelly food)!
11 Your lips drop sweetness as the honeycomb, my bride; milk and honey are under your tongue. The fragrance of your garments is like that of (place).
12 You are a (tract of land) locked up, my sister, my bride; you are a (body of water) enclosed, a sealed fountain.
13 Your plants are an orchard of (sweet fruit) with (other fruit), with (plant) and (spice),
14 (spice) and (different spice), (another spice) and (still yet another spice), with every kind of incense tree, with (smelly stuff) and (some kind of moisturizer) and all the finest spices.
15 You are a (gardening implement), a (description of gardening implement) (moving in some way) down from (country north of where you are)
Feel free to fill this in and post it in the comments. Then give the poem to your loved one and watch her melt! Hubba hubba, it's Mad-Lib Lovin'!
Anyway, the really cool thing about the Song of Solomon is that it’s in the public domain, just like the rest of the Bible! You can plagiarize away without fear of being sued. I’m here to make this easier for you. I decided that if I took the Bible and combined it with that other great concept of my childhood, Mad Libs, I could provide ready-made customizable love poetry just in time for the holidays! All you have to do is substitute the appropriate words for the terms in parenthesis and you have your own love poem based on the world's most popular book! Check it out – here’s Song of Solomon 4 all Mad-Libbed up and ready to go:
1 How (adjective) you are, my darling! Oh, how (same adjective, repeated for emphasis)! Your (body part) behind your (clothing) are (some kind of bird). Your (another body part) is like a (group of animals) descending from (some high place).
2 Your (yet another body part) are like a (another group of animal, possibly related to the group of animals in the first verse), coming up from the (activity). Each has its twin; not one of them is alone.
3 Your (still yet another body part) are like a (article of clothing, appropriately colored for said body part); your (related body part) is lovely. Your (body part, near the body part in the first verse) behind your (same article of clothing as in the first verse) are like the (parts) of a (fruit).
4 Your (body part near all the others) is like the (building), built with (adjective) ; on it hang a thousand (weapons), all of them (weapons) of warriors.
5 Your two (naughty bits) are like two (innocent baby animals), like twin (innocent baby animals) of a (majestic herbivore) that browse among the lilies.
6 Until the day breaks and the shadows flee, I will go to the mountain of (some kind of perfume or other good-smelling stuff) and to the hill of (other presumably good-smelling stuff).
7 All beautiful you are, my darling; there is no flaw in you.
8 Come with me from (location), my bride, come with me from (same location). Descend from the (some high place), from the top of (other high place), the summit of (yet another high place), from the (metaphorically dangerous place) and the mountain haunts of the (dangerous mountain animal).
9 You have stolen my (body part), my sister, my bride; you have stolen my (body part) with one (use) of your (body part), with one (metaphor for said body part).
10 How delightful is your love, my sister, my bride! How much more pleasing is your love than (beverage), and the fragrance of your perfume than any (smelly food)!
11 Your lips drop sweetness as the honeycomb, my bride; milk and honey are under your tongue. The fragrance of your garments is like that of (place).
12 You are a (tract of land) locked up, my sister, my bride; you are a (body of water) enclosed, a sealed fountain.
13 Your plants are an orchard of (sweet fruit) with (other fruit), with (plant) and (spice),
14 (spice) and (different spice), (another spice) and (still yet another spice), with every kind of incense tree, with (smelly stuff) and (some kind of moisturizer) and all the finest spices.
15 You are a (gardening implement), a (description of gardening implement) (moving in some way) down from (country north of where you are)
Feel free to fill this in and post it in the comments. Then give the poem to your loved one and watch her melt! Hubba hubba, it's Mad-Lib Lovin'!
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